There is No Comfort Zone

Over the past week or so, I’ve been thinking about how I can connect more to the pieces that I’m learning for my upcoming new music recital. To that end, I’ve been reflecting on my friendships with the composers, incorporating what I know about the composers’ other works, score-studying (this includes drawing pictures and coloring!), and reading the program notes for the pieces (if provided). For a couple of the pieces, the program notes provide most of the insight necessary and I only need to apply my life experiences and imagination to have a clear enough picture to present a musical and honest interpretation of the piece. Other pieces, though, have pushed me far outside my comfort zone and I still struggle to find ways to relate to them. 

An excerpt from "I'itoi" by Jared Aragón, I'itoi is a Native American god that lives in a maze and inspires wandering. The abrupt tempo change made me think of running into a wall... or turning a corner only to discover a dead end.

---

​My struggle has perplexed me. Immediately, I become concerned that I may not be able to cultivate a relationship between the audience and the music. As I think about that concern, though, I realize that it may seem a bit presumptuous. My ability to find a connection to a piece of music is not indicative of my audience’s ability to do so. I can’t assume that I’m completely familiar with their musical or life experiences! However, when I play a piece of music, my goal is to find what is relatable and speaks about being human in the piece. My job is to make those things so abundantly clear that it has an effect similar to being “smacked in the face with a billboard” (to use one of my favorite phrases). I begin by looking for something familiar and keep exploring from there. Sometimes, I’m incredibly surprised by what I find. Aesthetics that I’d never expect to relate to or understand become a challenge for me to unravel rather than something that terrifies me. Oh, and I have a ball doing it! Exclamations of “THIS IS SO COOL!” are just as prevalent as “wow, weird!”   

In this excerpt of "Rhapsody" for solo violin (eventually mvt. 2 of a larger work) by Jonathan Annis, the composer and performer are out of their comfort zones (but it's super cool!).

---

​While I’ve been pushed outside of my comfort zone, various conversations with the composers have made me realize that some of them have been pushed out of theirs as well by this project. From writing for instruments that are less familiar, to playing with smaller scale pieces, to writing in an entirely different style, I’ve been fortunate to hear about it. These revelations have added an entirely new layer of connection between the composer, performer, and audience: we’re all out of our comfort zones. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s pretty cool that we can all share that experience whether we're the composer, performer, or listener. It may even be good for us. 

As I’ve studied each piece, I’ve come to realize that each piece represents some mood or idea. Of course, I don’t actually know what the idea is for at least one of them yet (another way that I’m out of my comfort zone!), but that’s why we perform pieces over and over again. Each time we study and perform a piece of music, we’re different people and bring something new to the piece. Each piece becomes rather like an old friend- their behavior patterns, preferences, and stories are familiar, but you still learn something new from them every time you encounter them. It’s a distinct privilege to put together a program like this and I’m grateful that I can share my experiences with you! 

​Brief commercial: Please check out my upcoming events page for details about the recital featuring these pieces. I’d love to talk with you about your experiences with these pieces. I hope to see you there!